


Caleb's Loss

by TheDiceGuy



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:48:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21515437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDiceGuy/pseuds/TheDiceGuy
Summary: After a vicious battle aboard the newly claimed Ball Eater, Caleb slowly begins to lose an important sense.This story is still in progress, and I will update it when I can.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 118





	1. The Battle and It's Result

Caleb stares up at the ceiling of the Squall Eater’s cabin that has become his home for the past few weeks, barely able to see it even though it's less than eight feet away. He reaches a hand up and can barely see each individual digit.

“Scheisse.”

He snaps his fingers and with a small popping noise, the comforting weight of Frumpkin materializes on his chest. Caleb begins running his fingers through the tabby’s soft fur, which gets a heavy purr in response. Caleb feels a smile spread across his face.

“My sweet, little, fuzzy friend. I am in a lot of trouble. Ja...a lot of trouble…”

Caleb keeps stroking Frumpkin’s fur, thinking back to the day his vision started going to hell.

It had started like any other of the days at sea. Crew members going about their jobs. Fjord was at the wheel talking with Orly on the best route back to Nicodranas. Jester was talking with Beauregard in an excited whisper, Caduceus was meditating at the bow of the ship, Yasha silently staring off the port side at a distant gathering of darkened clouds, and Nott was drinking from her flask and experimenting with the black powder from the cannons. It was peaceful. Of course it couldn't have lasted.

Fjord’s gravelly voice carried across the deck, “Ah Caleb! Glad to see that you're finally up. We've plotted a course to Nicodranas and should arrive in-” He is cut off by the crewman who was manning the Crow's Nest.

“Captain! Ship spotted on the Starboard side!”

Every head turns and notices the quickly approaching ship coming towards the Squall Eater at full sail, roughly three hundred meters away.   
“Warning Shot!”

The second Fjord gives the command Nott scurries off to the gunwale, screaming to prepare the cannons. A few seconds later there is a thunderous boom as the Squall Eater slightly rocks as the cannonball flies towards the approaching threat, landing about ten meters ahead of them. It's course doesn't change. That's never good.

“Prepare for battle everyone!”

The crew scrambles to their positions, unsheathing their weapons and knocking their arrows. Fjord turns the Squall Eater so the ships broadside isn't exposed to this new enemy.  
The ship quickly approaches, and both crews lock eyes as a cry of, “Fire!”, echoes out from the enemy ship as a volley of arrows fly towards the Squall Eater. A few cries of pain ring out, but most of the crew is fine; and the Mighty Nein leap into action.  
Caleb smirks to himself. ‘Fire indeed.’ He reaches into a familiar pocket and pulls a hunk of sulfur and bat guano, and traces the arcane symbols into the air. He feels the Arcane energy build up before releasing the small bead of fire towards the group of hostiles. He feels the wave of intense heat across his face as the fireball rapidly expands outward into its explosive and deadly result. The painful memories start to flood in, but Caleb manages to push them back. For now.

The battle is over fairly quick. Blows are traded between each ship, spells are flung, and the Squall Eater is boarded. The enemy crew is easily dispatched, but not before a thug manages to surprise Caleb. She easily towered a foot or two over him, and her club was easily as thick as Caleb’s chest. The aggressor swings the club towards his head, going for what could easily be a killing blow.  
He tries to fling up a Shield spell, but it activates a fraction of a second too late. The heavy club connects with Caleb’s temple, throwing a searing pain into his head and causing his vision to flash white. He feels his back hit the ground and sees the woman standing over him. A deadly grin spreads across her face as she raises up the club...and keeps falling backwards as a short bolt buries itself into her neck.

“Danke Nott!”

Nott rushes up to Caleb and pops open a healing potion and gives it to him before running off to cover. He stands back up and blinks his eyes to focus his vision, and it clears a little bit. But it is still blurry around the edges.

“Ja, she cleaned my clock.”

The attacking crew was eventually defeated and forced to retreat. Luckily, only a few of the Squall Eater were hurt, but between Caduceus and Jester that was just a minor inconvenience.  
Caleb sits against the railing cupping his head, which still feels extremely tender. Jester skips over to Caleb, spiritual lollipop still in hand.

“Hey Caleeeeb! Do you need some heealing? You got hit preeeetty hard earlier.”  
“Nein Jester, I'm fine. Ja..just a small concussion.”  
Jester shrugs her shoulders, “If you're shuuure.”

By this point, her spiritual weapon has vanished and she skips off.

“Oh Captain Tusk-Toooooooth!"

-Current Time, 2 weeks later-

A knock on the door shakes Caleb out of his small stupor.

“Ja, who is it?”  
“I uh, it's me Caleb. I wanted to see if you were getting better. Can I come in?”  
“Sure.”

As Cadueces’ tall frame enters the door, Caleb wonders out loud to himself, “How long has he known?”  
“Ah let's see now...I first noticed about a week ago, but I wasn't entirely sure what was wrong.”

Caleb sighs and sits up. Of course he noticed that early.

“It's my eyes Caduceus. They're...I'm going blind.”

Caduceus keeps a calm demeanor, but Caleb notices his ears shift using Frumpkin’s vision. He obviously didn't expect it to be that bad.

“That is quite serious Caleb. Do you ah, want me to try and heal them?”

Caleb shakes his head.

“Nein. I received healing when it happened and still…”

The two sit in silence, which is only broken by the sound of Frumpkin purring. Caleb is the first to speak.

“Don't tell the rest of the Nein.”  
“I won't Caleb. But don't forget to.”  
“Ja ja…”

Caduceus offers Caleb some tea, but he politely refuses it.

“Before I leave, just uh, just know I can try and heal them if you change your mind.”

Caleb remains silent and Caduceus takes his leave, ducking under the too short door frame. Caleb turns his head to look at Caduceus. All he can make out is the green of his armor, and the faint pink atop his head.


	2. Nott Sure How To Tell You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Caleb reveals his secret to his closest friend sooner than he expected.

Time passes faster than Caleb realizes, mostly spent thinking to himself. The only reason he knows how much time has passed is when Nott’s voice calls out, startling Caleb.

“Caleb? Are you okay? You've been in bed all day.”

Caleb has his arm lain over his eyes so Nott doesn't see them.

“Ja, I'm fine Nott. Just tired, we've been on this boat far too long.”

Nott’s voice is much closer now, but it's softer.

“Caleb… You're lying, I can tell. I can get Mr. Clay to make you some tea if-”  
Caleb lets out a laugh, “Ja you are quite perceptive Nott.”

He feels a weight at the end of the bed as she scrambles onto it. She's worried, Caleb can tell. He was going to tell her first, but he wasn't ready. Not yet.

“What's wrong Caleb? Please tell me.”  
“Ja I will...I just don't know how to say it.”

Caleb sits up, but looks down so she can't see his face.

“Do you remember a couple weeks ago? When we got attacked by that other ship?”

At this point, Caleb uses his magic to see through Frumpkin's eyes and sees Nott nodding.

“Of course.”  
“And how you saved me from the woman?”  
Another nod from Nott, a perplexed look on her face.  
“I'm looking at you through Frumpkin’s eyes.”

Caleb sees Nott's cat like eyes turn towards him, or Frumpkin technically.

“Why are you doing that?”  
It's at this point a moment of realization dawns on Nott. Her ears droop a little bit.

“What's wrong with your eyes Caleb?”

Nott climbs off the bed and stands in front of Caleb, so he drops sight through Frumpkin. He sees the blurry shape of his closest friend, and can barely hold back the emotions.

“I'm going blind Nott. My eyes are failing..”

Nott doesn't say anything, but she wraps her small arms around his waist. Caleb returns Nott's hug, squeezing her close.

“Oh Caleb… Why didn't you tell us sooner? Have you tried to heal them? Maybe Jester or Mr. Clay can do something?”

Caleb says nothing, but he tightens his grip on Nott.

“You've tried already haven't you?”

He nods in response, before verbally answering, “Ja. I got healing when it happened, from the potion you gave me. But my eyes still got worse.”  
The two sit there for a long time in each others arms.  
“I'll help however I can Caleb.”  
“I know Nott… danke Nott...promise that you won't tell the others.”  
“But Caleb..we can't hide this from them! They need to know. This is very dang-”  
“Ja I agree Nott. But I will tell them. You said you'd help however you can. This is how I need you to help.”

Nott goes silent for a few minutes.

“Okay Caleb. I won't tell anyone.”  
“Danke… I'm very tired my friend.”  
“So am I Caleb. Move over.”

Caleb scoots over on the bed, and Nott scrabbles up and lays against Caleb’s chest. He lays an arm over her and squeezes her. The two are cuddling for a half hour before either of them speak.

“Caduceus knows.”  
“Of course he does.”

The two remain silent for a long time, then Caleb hears Nott’s soft snores and smiles to himself.  
“Gute Nacht meine kleine Freundin.”


	3. Breakfast and Jester conversation enough to distract her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb heads up onto the deck of the ship, after being brought a simple breakfast by Caduceus who also teaches him something.   
Caleb has a small chat with Jester.

When Caleb finally wakes up, he rubs his eyes and leaves them shut for a few minutes.  
‘Maybe it was a nightmare,’ he tells himself once more. Knowing that when he opens his eyes, it will be a cold reality he can't see. His eyelids open, and Caleb sees the familiar and barely discernible ceiling. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe.  
Caleb hoists himself upright, sitting on the edge of his bed. He knows he can't stay in the cabin the rest of the journey, or everyone will know something is wrong. Caleb shrugs his ratty trench coat on and stands up, carefully making his way towards where he is sure the door is.

“Frumpkin, I need your help.”

He hears the soft thump and padding of his cat's feet, before feeling his body rub against his legs. Caleb snaps his fingers and feels his weight materialise on his shoulders. Caleb blinks and when his eyes open, he can make out the wall and door. He was pretty close.  
Caleb takes a couple minutes to adjust to the vision, and then walks out the door only to run directly into Caduceus who is holding a tray of food that smells particularly enticing.

“Ah Caleb! Glad to see you're up. I uh, wanted to treat you to a meal and some tea.”

Caleb sees a soft smile on Caduceus’ gaunt face. He doesn't move, or try to push his way into the room.

“Oh..uh danke Deuces. It looks and smells quite delicious, but I'm not that hungry.”  
“You still need to eat Caleb. At least eat the bread.”

He remains unmoving. Caleb knows he's right. He skipped supper last night to avoid anyone noticing his eyes. Caleb reaches out and takes the hunk of fried bread.

“I thought uh, you couldn't see Caleb?”  
“Ja. Still true.”  
“Then how did you manage to grab the bread?”

One of his thick eyebrows arch up, surprisingly he hasn't caught onto Caleb’s little trick. Or maybe he's playing coy to be nice.

“Well having hands is pretty essential to that, as is seeing through Frumpkin’s eyes.”  
Another smile on his face.  
“Ah yeah, I suppose it does. Do you need any help navigating the ship?”  
“Nein, I should be able to do that just fine. But if I need it, I'll find my way to you.”  
Caduceus nods, “I'll keep an eye on you,” he sets the tray down on a table.  
“And remember, eye contact Caleb. You haven't looked me in the face once.”

Caleb feels himself blink. He had totally forgotten about that, because through Frumpkin’s eyes he was looking Caduceus in his face.

“Ja, that is probably a good idea.”  
He nods one last time and ducks out of the room. Caleb slowly eats the fried bread for Caduceus. Eye contact. So simple, and yet easily could have given him away.

Caleb finishes the bread and tea, which has a deep earthy flavor, with a surprisingly sweet after taste. He stands up and takes a breath, readying himself to uphold this sighted charade of his. He takes his time heading above deck.  
The mood above deck is of palpable joy, because they should be reaching Nicodranas and finally get off this damned ship.

“Guten Morgen everyone!”

Jester’s upbeat voice calls out, “Caleb, you sleepy head! You missed the totally awesome breakfast that Caduceus made!”  
“Nein Jester, he brought me some bread and tea. It was quite delicious.”  
Caduceus’ gravelly voice comes from somewhere out of Frumpkin's sight, “Well thank you Caleb. Glad you enjoyed it.”  
“Oh wow, you actually ate the bread Caleb?”  
“Ja? Why wouldn't I Jester?”  
Caleb makes a point to look at her, still nervous about being discovered.

“Well, the last time you had fresh bread you used the loaf as a pair of glo-”, her eyes narrow, “Hey Caleb what's wrong with your eyes?”

Caleb’s heart races a few beats and he tries his best to keep a straight face. The lie rolls smoothly off of his tongue.

“Nothing Jester, I just haven't gotten the sand out of them yet. I'm fine.”  
Jester steps closer to him, her tail flicking back and forth behind her. Her ring ladled hands resting on her hips.

“Hmmmmmm….Are you suuuuuuree?”  
“Ja I'm sure Jester.”  
“Are you reeeeaaalllyyyy shuuuree?”  
“Ja I promise that I'm fine Jester. How are you? Are you excited to see your Mutter?”

Jester’s face lights up and her hands clap against her face.

“Yesssss!! We've done sooo many cewwwwl things! Momma isn't going to believe it! Ohmygosh and Nugget must totally miss me!”

Jester goes off on multiple different tangents, which Caleb listens to and nods while trying to excuse himself. Which is easy to do as Nott comes up to the two and starts talking with Jester.  
Caleb scratches Frumpkin’s chin and ponders if it will be easier to avoid situations like this when they're finally on land. He's sure it will be. He hopes.


	4. Talking in the Beau nest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb contemplates the best way to tell the Nein his secret, when Beau joins him. He's rather quite blunt this time.

Caleb is sitting inside of the Crow’s Nest, waiting for the call that will signal the end of their watery adventures, thinking to himself about how to best break the news to the group. Telling them all at once would most likely be the easiest, but those who don't know would definitely bombard him with questions. He might not be able to handle that, and doesn't want to chance it. If he can't handle them all at once, then the one on one talks will be his approach.

“Ja, one on one.. but who should I tell first?”

His question is immediately answered as Beau’s husky voice calls out, startling Caleb.

“Tell who what Caleb?”

He sees the blurred cobalt shape that is Beau hop into the Nest with him. He can't see it, but he knows she has an arched eyebrow. Caleb lets out an exasperated sigh. He knows Beau will probably react best to a straightforward answer, so that’s what he gives her.

“I'm going blind Beauregard.”

Caleb sees the figure of Beau straighten up a bit. She wasn't expecting that. Who would?

“Yo Caleb what the fuck? Seriously?”  
“Ja.”  
“Well...Damn. That's one hell of a...damn. How bad is it?”  
“Pretty bad. I can barely make out your shape, all I can see is a bunch of blue and vague shapes of limbs.”  
“Shit.”  
“Shit indeed my friend. Shit indeed…”

The two humans sit in silence for a long time, Beau comprehending what Caleb just told her while Caleb thinks of who to tell next. A call comes out from below, and cheer erupts from the crew.

“Seems like we're almost there.”  
“Hm? Oh yeah I suppose so Caleb.”  
“Ja. Beau?”  
“Yeah Caleb?”  
“Not everyone knows, so please keep it a secret for now.”  
“Well secrets are like, my shit. So yeah I can do that.”  
“Thank you.”  
“So, who does know?”  
“Well there is you, Nott, Caduceus and myself of course. I think Jester might suspect but I'm not quite sure.”  
“Mhm.” 

The two sit for a few minutes longer before Beau departs, still in a little bit of shock Caleb presumes. He waits a couple minutes longer, staring out at the blur of orange and red that is slowly darkening. Maybe tomorrow this will be a nightmare to be soon forgotten.


	5. Landing Blind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Ball Eater has sailed into the port of Nicodranas, and Caleb tentatively takes his first steps on solid land since he started losing his sight.  
(I used a German phrase at the end, my intent was for Caleb to say "I just need a few seconds." But I know translate isn't always accurate, if I need to correct it please let me know.)

The sun has fully set by the time the, recently renamed, Ball Eater sails into port. Caleb stands behind the Nein, spacing out a little as Fjord deals with the Harbormaster. He notices the group begins to depart and gently grabs Nott by her shoulder.

“Nott, can we talk for a moment?”  
“Of course Caleb, what about?”

Caleb lowers his voice to a whisper, to keep his helplessness hidden.

“It's too dark, I can't make anything out. I need help.”  
“Oh right. Well we can just do the old Frumpkin trick.”  
“Ja. But I don't want them to see for…well you know why Freundin.”  
“Don't worry Caleb, we can just meet them there.”

As if on cue Fjord calls out to Caleb and Nott.

“Hey slowpokes, hurry up and let's gooo!”  
“In a minute Fjord, I forgot something. Just go, Caleb and I know where the Lavish Chateau is, we can meet you there.”  
“Alright, just don't take too long.”  
“Ja ja, we'll be there befjord you know.”

A groan comes from most of the Nein, who seem to move more hastily after Caleb’s joke. Nott tugs at his sleeve.

“That was a pretty good joke Caleb,” she wraps her hand around his, “Well I'm ready when you are.”  
“I suppose that I am as ready as I can be.”

Hand in hand, the two slowly step down the Ball Eater’s gangplank and spend a moment or three to themselves.  
Panic truly sets itself into Caleb’s heart. Things were fairly easy on the ship, the layout was easy. Caleb had it memorized. Now he had to deal with their travels on land, while still maintaining his secret.

“Nott, I'm frightened.”  
Caleb feels Nott softly squeeze his hand, which is comforting.

“It’s alright Caleb, I'm right here. You'll be fine.”  
“But what if something happens on the way to the Chateaux?”  
“Then we'll deal, watch the step, we'll deal with it Caleb like we always have.”

Caleb walks along silently, straining his weakened eyes, trying as hard as he can to make out his surroundings.

“Did you tell anyone else?”

Nott’s voice startles him, and he clears his throat, “Mmh, Ja ja. I've told Beau, and I think Jester might know something is u-,” Caleb stumbles over a loose stone but he catches himself.  
“Caleb! Are you okay?”  
“Yeah I'm fine, just a loose stone. I think.”  
“Well...I'll kick its ass then.”  
Sure enough, Caleb hears the scattering of stone on stone and he finds himself laughing.  
“My fierce protector, oh thank you, I needed that.”  
Caleb feels Nott’s hand wrap around his once more.  
“Well it's the least I can do. Just make sure you save me from the next one.”

It takes the better part of an hour for the pair to make it to the Chateaux, and Caleb stops Nott before heading inside.  
“What is it Caleb?”  
“Nerves. I...I'm nervous.”  
Caleb feels another reassuring squeeze from Nott.  
“We can't avoid them forever Caleb. I can't begin to understand how difficult this is for you, but hiding it isn't the way to go.”  
“I know...I know Nott, and you're absolutely right,” Caleb feels the panic rise in his chest, a panic he can't describe, “...Ich brauche ein paar Sekunden.”


End file.
